Code Emporium

Just a brief post this time and I almost guarantee you won’t be any smarter by the end of it. “Much like every other post you’ve ever written” you retort. Anyway, on with it. For those of you who don’t know, Bill Gates now has an official site The Gates Notes where he talks about stuff. You know how Microsoft are always getting bashed and accused of making bloatware and having slow and clunky apps? Well, I thought it’d be fun to test the performance of The Gates Notes using YSlow. Here’s the result:

That’s right chaps, a big old E for The Gates Notes with an overall performance score of 59 out of 100. So what does this prove about Microsoft and bloatware? Nothing really. About all it proves is that The Gates Notes got 59 out of 100 on YSlow and could probably use some optimisation. Considering that The Gates Notes probably doesn’t draw all that much traffic, it’s probably not a huge problem in reality. For such a high profile person in software though, I was a little surprised to see that someone hadn’t done some more optimisation on it. I’ve got plenty of restecp for Bill Gates. Nonetheless, I thought this would be a fun little test to run.

Before you ask, Code Emporium scores as low as 64 out of 100 on YSlow, which is pretty bad too. Difference is, Code Emporium probably draws about as much traffic as that site you made for your pet cat back in 1999. As soon as I overtake your pet cat in popularity I’ll get optimising. Told you you wouldn’t be any smarter.

Every time I go grocery shopping I can’t help but reminisce about the good old days playing GoldenEye on Nintendo 64. For anyone that never played it, don’t worry – you only missed out on like one of the best games ever, but no biggie. For those of you who have forgotten, or were unfortunate enough to never learn, when you run at a 45 degree angle in GoldenEye, you go faster. Realistic, I know.

Anyway, what I’m getting at here is that I think there may have been a carefully thought out plan to design shopping trolleys as a secret tribute to GoldenEye. I’ve found you generally achieve optimum momentum and control when you push it at around a 45 degree angle. It’s as if there is an unspoken understanding between shopping trolley designer and the initiated few. Once your hands grasp that shopping trolley bar, all you need do is angle it at 45 degrees, push it just a little and think of GoldenEye. Soon enough you’ll come to accept that you’re actually James Bond! You didn’t even have to work out at Globo Gym or get cosmetic surgery.

If you go shopping late at night like I do, you also avoid the mum and three kids network congestion. This lets you really get into it as you run the trolley through the isles, frantically searching for the golden gun syrup. Depending on your dedication, you could probably even syrup-shoot a few russians checkout assistants with it once you find it. Try this on the wrong person though and your health could quickly become depleted, especially if they don’t die in one hit after all. Either way, shopping centre security would probably bar you from ever playing that level again, so you’d have to find yourself another supermarket. I’m yet to wear a suit grocery shopping, but one day I’ll have to try it, just to see if it enhances the experience (without having to find a new supermarket every Monday).

What things back in the real world induce your gaming nostalgia?